The weekend started out calm enough. I had a wedding in Ohio this weekend. One of Jocelyn’s friends was getting married and she was one of the maids of honor. I took Friday off and we spent the day driving to Ohio. We woke up at eight to lovely severe thunderstorms. Not only were we lucky enough to have these thunderstorms but we ended up driving with them for five hours to Ohio. The drive was pretty easy minus the crappy weather parts. We saw three blown over semis on the way. Luckily every single one of these was going west. So while traffic on the other side of the highway was shut down we were zipping right along. We got into Ohio around four with the time change. I relaxed in the whirlpool for a bit and took a load off until the rehearsal dinner. While J was at rehearsal I stayed at the hotel. Once the rehearsal was over it was time for my first of two delicious dinners of the weekend. We ate at some mob looking Italian joint. We got to sit with the one of bride’s brother and the other maids. It was a fun time. The bride’s brother had a funny story that involved a grape HI-C juice box and getting air lifted out of the grand canyon by rangers. The dinner was lobster bisque, salad and then your choice of fish or steak. I being a man went with the steak. After that we called it a night and went to the hotel.

Saturday we were up early. I took J and another bridesmaid to the beauty parlor to get there hair done. While they did that I cruised to TJ Maxx of Toledo to pick up a better outfit to wear. After TJ, Kmart, Taco Bell and Kroeger, I headed back to the hotel. I was going to sit in my room and have a couple solo beers and iron my new clothes but I had a message from some of Jocelyn’s other friends to come to their room for some cocktails. So instead of being a boozed up Martha Stewart in my room I cruised down to their room and had a couple beers and shot the breeze. From there we went to the wedding. It was a very nice wedding. The church was nice, the priest was nice and service was nice. It was a full service which made the ceremony a little long and hot. But once that was over it was time to GET IT ON! I loaded up J’s friends into the Montero and we went to the reception which was being held at her parent’s home. This was no regular home though (I guess the bride’s dad is a real estate mogul), the back yard was huge. The yard was about as big as football field and a half, there was a huge pool/fountain in it (picture a small Billie Madison pool), and on one end was a huge river, maybe the Ohio. This huge expanse of area had a monstrous tent set up where the reception was held. The dinner itself was nice. Everyone got two small fillets and four shrimp, not a gut buster meal, but nice. When dinner was over that’s when things started to get a little out of had. Our first bright idea was to high jack the golf cart and cruise around in it. We were beat to the punch by the bride’s brothers who took the golf cart and raced it against a new Thunderbird. The race was no contest but I thought the T-bird was going to run over the golf cart when he cut him off. My “incident” took place right after dinner when walked down to the river. There was a tree swing in this huge tree and we were all taking turns trying to make the other puke. Well I grabbed the swing and started running with it and when I tried to stop after my twenty yard run I slipped on some gravel and did a face plant in the gravel/grass, it hurt. But I acted tough until I could get to a corner and cry and assess the damage. I tore my hand up pretty good, got dirt all over my pants, had a grass stain on the elbow of my new shirt, and the kicker, broke the LCD screen of our camera. When I landed I guess my phone pushed my camera into my leg pretty good and as we speak I have a Frisbee size bruise on my leg where the camera dug in. After that took place I got lost for a while so my pants could dry after I poured water on them to get them clean. I wasn’t about to walk around the fancy party looking like a hillbillie with dirty pants. Once I got back I think everyone was twice as drunk as when I left. I took it easy the rest of the night but did my share of dancing to the swing band they had. Toward the end of the reception all the bridesmaids and some of the drunk relatives all hopped into the fountain to dance in it. I had a ton of fun with J and all her college swimming friends. At eleven the bride and groom took off for their honeymoon so things wound down at the reception. I was the sober Sally to I had to pile all the drunks into the Montero and we headed to some hippy bar in Perrysburg with a $3 cover charge, huh? Cover charge. No one really needed to go there but we did. I had one beer and played pool against some ex-con. One of the groomsmen almost got into a fight with the entire bar because he thought someone was hitting on his wife. So the fun didn’t last long at this place and I rounded up the drunks and took the back to the hotel. The wedding was a lot of fun. Jocelyn looked hot, the weather was nice, and it was one of the nicest I’ve been to.