Whatever happened to common sense?

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Mr. Common Sense. Mr. Sense had been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such value lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm and that life isn’t always fair. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not kids, are in charge). His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. – Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. Mr. Sense declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student; but, could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, she spilled a bit in her lap, and was awarded a huge financial settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by two stepbrothers; My Rights and Ima Whiner. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on; if not, join the majority and do nothing.

Unexpected Chaos

Crazy weekend this week. Friday I went to go see my old boss Chad DJ at Mr. G’s in Kenosha. There was an unexpected cover charge when we got there but the drinks were cheap so that made up for it. Plus I was there to check out Chad spin some phat beats. I met another one of my ex-colleagues Jordan there. Jordan quit ASQ and is getting his masters in a wilderness program. Jordan and I are eerily similar in many ways and we always have stuff to joke around about. He is also one of the few people in my life I am able to let loose with and talk some true geek speak. So J, Jordan, his girlfriend and fellow ASQ employee Kristen, and some other ASQ folk spent most of the night at Mr. G’s. I don’t know how to describe Mr. G’s. I could see it fitting in in the Sheboygan area but there was a weird hick ghetto folk feel to the people there. There were way too many stretchy cloths for the way to much body mass there. We were having a good time but we had to get back to Milwaukee so we headed out about midnight. J had a meeting in the morning so I went with Jordan and Kristen to the Metro. We spent the rest of the night there bitching about ASQ and trying to practice separation of work talk and weekend. Once we got off that subject we had a great time and I got to anoint some new folk into my Metro fold.

On Saturday I called Adam to see if he wanted to go to the Javon Walker Celebrity Softball Game. He and Stacy had said they planned on going so I tagged along with them. They were nice enough to pick me up some gourmet brats from the Metro Market and we went to the park and tailgated. It was a beautiful sunny day and I got pretty sunburn on my arms. We went into the game in the third but it really wasn’t anything special. It was a bunch of third string Packers playing some other no name people. All the celebrities that were supposed to come canceled. Ethan from Survivor and Tara Reid were the only real “celebrities”. So all the hype was for not. Drew Rosenhaus who is Javon Walker’s agent was allowed an at bat. This guy got booed like I have never heard someone get booed before. You know how some people get so many cheers they have to come back for an encore or a curtain call. This guy got the complete opposite of that. It was like Elton John at Harley fest. Javon Walker got his fair share of boos as well but that was really the only thing worth mentioning at the game. Someone, I’m blaming Adam, had the bright idea to go to My Office post game to have some beers. So we went there and played some Golden Tee and talked with the bartender. I left around seven and went back home. I had something to eat and drank a ton of water and we watched Jersey Girl which was surprisingly a good movie. Jocelyn wanted to go out so I went along and we spent the rest of the night at the Metro. It was a long unnecessary day of drinking and I really paid the price for it on Sunday. Next weekend I’m going sober Sally.

My Virus From The South

This weekend we went to Orland Park just outside of Chicago to spend Jocelyn’s birthday at her mother’s place. Saturday afternoon we made our way down south. We left Milwaukee just before noon and the weather was 45 and cloudy. By the time we got to the ‘burbs of Chicago the temp was in the high 60s and sunny. It was a beautiful spring day and what better way to spend the day than removing viruses and repairing computers. It seems Jocelyn’s mother’s boyfriend’s (sister’s, cousin’s, acquaintance’s) computer had some nasty viruses that needed eradicating. Never fear, Rautech (which has been redesigned) to the rescue. I thought this was going to be your everyday run of the mill removal but this was the worst virus I have ever come across. Many of the discussion boards suggested nuking the hard drive and starting from scratch. I didn’t want to take the easy way out so I spent hours plugging away at the darn thing. I really tried everything. At about three I took a break and we went over to see the new house a couple miles away that they’re moving into June. It’s very nice and has a Frank Lloyd Wright feel to it. After that we went back to the other house and I continued to plug away at the virus. I took another hour break for some spaghetti bake and vino but when that was done back to the dungeon I went. I spent the rest of the night working away and at midnight, almost twelve hours later I finally fixed the problem! I could’ve have done the reformat but this was definitely a personal/pride thing and I kicked that virus’ butt!

Sunday was another beautiful day and I had no viruses to remove, only a wireless network card to install. So I worked on that a bit and then went to the park with the Picl girls and enjoyed the 80 degree weather. The park had these rickety busted up concrete stairs that are used to climb the hill of a toboggan run. I did these stairs about five times and I had enough. I shouldn’t have run them but that is no excuse, I’m just plain weak. I had enough and went and sat on the picnic table and waited for the others to finish up. J and her sister stopped and we played aerobie/Frisbee. I found out how a dog feels when he’s playing fetch with his owner because the aerobie never really flew at me but more above and to the left of me. The problem was my legs didn’t work from those steps so getting the stupid thing was a chore. After J’s mom finish doing the steps 20 times we headed back and showered up for dinner. Before we went to dinner we stopped at a really nice restaurant/bar called The Canoe Club. We stopped there for a beer and to see the very large and very cool shark tank that they had as the bar back. After that we went to a Japanese steak house. It was one of those places where they chopped the food up in front of you and toss it around. Our chef was great and all the food was superb. From the time the chef arrived we were eating something. It started with soup, then salad, fried rice, vegetables, shrimp app, my steak and scallops, mushrooms, and then finally green tea ice cream and it was all great. I worked my chopsticks flawlessly and looked like Ryan Chopstickhands throughout dinner. When dinner was over we had Jocelyn’s birthday cake and some rum drinks back at the house. We spent the night listening to music and enjoying some warm weather. We took off about 8 and got home safe and sound. A happy mother’s day to all the mothers out there!

This Land Is Your Land

The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an eagle to a condom because it more accurately reflects the government’s political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you’re actually being screwed.

Spring Is Here… I Smell The Hot Dogs

Friday was a great night because I got a great meal and didn’t even have to leave the comfort of the couch. Jocelyn was cooking a nice meal and she insisted that I didn’t help with any of the cooking. So I sat on the couch and drank Riesling (which was very good and ended up being from Aldi’s of all places). So I watched movies while J made fillets w/ mushrooms, crab stuffed poblano peppers, roasted veggies and dough balls with berry chutney. It all turned out very good and it was delicious. After that we had a couple bottles of wine and watched Sideways which was a very suitable movie. It was a great night and some great relaxation.

Saturday was a pretty eventful day. It was spring madness at Miller Park so Todd, Steph, Adam, Stacy, Chappy, Katie, Dave, Erica, J and I headed to the park for cheap tickets and most importantly $1 hot dogs. We got to the park pretty early to have a couple brews and enjoy the scenes. The weather wasn’t terrible. It was bit windy and when the sun went behind the clouds it did get a little cold but we can take it. We didn’t do any grilling out because we had hot dogs to eat. Once in the park the game within the game began. The hot dog contest was pretty much dominated by yours truly. I was able to get down my goal of thirteen hot dogs. Dave O was doing pretty well but fell off at eight dogs. I’m glad I reached this year’s goal but I think my hot dog eating days are numbered. I think my limit will now be ten hot dogs or less. The game was actually pretty crappy through the sixth inning but then the Crew fired up. They chipped away at the Reds four run lead and tied it up. Then in the ninth Damian Miller knocked in the go ahead run and we all left as winners, Crew 6-5, Ryan 13-8-7-6-1-1-1. We went home and got in a nap before the night. Saturday night we went to Port Washington for Craig, Feyer, my brother and Amy’s birthday. I really struggled to wake up from my nap. I was comfy in my post hot dog glow on the couch and could have easily called it a night. I pulled it together and J and I went to Port to meet the crew at Foxy’s. There were about forty people and they had rented a bus to take the partiers from bar to bar. We knew we weren’t going to be out all night so we followed the bus. The party wasn’t really my brother’s party or Feyer’s or Craig’s, it was Amy’s. I didn’t know anyone but the three birthday boys and I think they were put on the list as a courtesy of sort. We had a couple drinks at Foxy’s and then headed to Booze Inn in Random Lake. We stayed there for one drink and then went to McCarthy’s Irish pub in the Saukville area. It was a very nice little bar. We had a couple drinks and stayed there when the bus took off. We headed back to Milwaukee and most of the people I knew headed home as well. Back in Milwaukee we went to the Metro for a little while and called it a weekend.

Tuesday we went to our first Buckethead game vs. the Cubs. J and I grilled out some gourmet brats pre-game. The park was obviously filled with Cubs fans which was fine because the Crew won and sent the Chub fans home with a tear in there eye. The Crew went on to sweep the series and are currently riding a seven game win streak. Go Crew!